Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
