so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
