I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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