College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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