8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
