You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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