Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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