Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
