He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
