you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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