I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
