i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
