Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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