you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
