Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
