it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize