I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
