I checked into jail on foursquare
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
