I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
