He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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