You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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