so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
