All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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