I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
