he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
