i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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