i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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