I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
