There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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