He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
