last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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