I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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