There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
