Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
