you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
