I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
