Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
another moral hangover. fuck.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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