is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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