capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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