i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
