I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
