I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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