I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
