i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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