I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
