I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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