So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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