is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you didnt know i had herpes?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
