At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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