woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
