I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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