I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize