I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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