Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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