WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
