i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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