my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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