I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
