Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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