I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
