Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
