go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
