the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
