I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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