Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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