Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
