I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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