Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
