Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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