You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
