your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
