The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
