My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my shit smells like andre
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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