Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
