C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
