i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
