Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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