I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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