Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
