So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
