After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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