I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
