I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
